Crazy Spring

So life has been full of uncertainties as of late, but it seems as if it has finally calmed down. I left my last job as a map tech because the job I had been waiting for since August finally came through, and it is much closer to home. However, I interviewed for a full-time map tech on my last day of work (how ironic) and to make a long story short didn't get it, so now I don't have any diabolical decisions to make, for better or for worse.

I enjoy my new job even if it just another sweatshop. The work is interesting and the people are fun, the training was great, and my schedule is going to be wild (4 pm - 1230 am). No more waking up to an alarm! Other than that I can't really say much about it as it is secret hehe.

My march madness picks were decent but Kansas fell out too early for me to contend with anyone. Even so, I happy about getting 2 of the final four right. I'm pumped about the NBA playoffs and I always fill out my own bracket for that. My Suns need to be in 2nd or 3rd to avoid the Lakers till the conference finals, but unfortunately with that loss to OKC a few days ago, I think they will end up in 5th or maybe 4th... Hopefully if thats the case they will play Denver and not Utah, as they have NOOO chance against Utah. Predictions now: Phoenix 4 Denver 2; or Utah 4 Phoenix 2. Utah is criminally underrated and the Nuggets haven't had the consistency as of late unlike the Suns who have seemed to gel at the perfect time.

I will post my bracket to this blog when the seedings are set in stone and I encourage you to post yours in the comments!

On another note, apparently speaking my mind bluntly doesn't go over well with everyone, lol what a surprise, and perhaps I should do it more tastefully in the future. I just get very fed up with emotionally charged statuses with or without silly questions on facebook from people (friends? acquaintances? strangers?) that are obviously emotionally deranged and bewildered. Most people just tell white lies but I tell it how it is. I guess you can lose "facebook friends" that way. Boo Hoo.

I went to NYC to see Opeth on wedensday with Christine and my brother. Great stuff indeed! It was Christine's first time in NYC and she was less than pleased with the amount of people everywhere. Funny tale, we were standing in line at Subway to get our dinner before the show, and in comes an old lady in a powered wheelchair. Sounds good right? Well my brother was first in line and ordered, hooray, good for him. I should state now the line was about 15 people long. Anyway its my turn to order and the lady has crept all the way next to me and is driving into my leg repeatedly in an obvious attempt to get in front of me! It is now that I notice she has an "I Love Jesus" shirt on, in a deceitful ploy to get what she wants. Now, this is where I wonder if I am a good or bad citizen. I proceeded to order, ignoring the fool and subsequently did Christine, and then whoever was behind her let this line cutter go next. I'm sorry, but this lady needed to understand that she cannot do this on a regular basis! Wait in line like everybody else! You don't see people with mental disorders cutting the line! And if you are going to cut the line, do it in a more polite manner please. I'm sure the majority would have let her go but the situation infuriated me, and she reminded me of the gypsys we frequently met in italy on the streets. She was taking advantage of her state of being and it did not go over well with me. Perhaps I did not act politely and do the right thing, but I have made it more than obvious as to why I didn't. What would you do?

The Opeth show itself was wonderful. They played two sets, the first being the Blackwater Park album in its entirety and the second one song from each album chronologically. They performed a few songs they never have before, and of course some staples. Advent was a great surprise!

Setlist

Blackwater Park album

Forest of October
Advent
April Ethereal
The Moor
Wreath
Hope Leaves
Harlequin Forest
The Lotus Eater

First show I had been to in a long time!

Bone Fragments is still at work, trying to write for the next one. Many (excuse the pun) fragments have been written, but a bit of writers block has been a problem, and even though the album is about half done I may scrap it all as I want it to be even better than the next. We shall see.

I guess that's all. Pretty soon I can start going to the beach on the weekend as the weather is surprisingly warm :O)

Winter Life

I have been pretty busy the past few months. Still working at the same place in Maine and I am on a waiting list for the one in NH, but there is no indication of when I will start. The new album was released and the response has been pretty good overall... still have a lot of copies left though. One forum has a few people that hate us and our music, and make constant jokes like comparing us to ICP, but I understand the concept definitely won't appeal to everyone, and some people can't get by that to give the music the proper chance. I was just surprised at how vicious they were. And how about some actual constructive criticism...? Others like or love it, and I am personally happy at how the album came out considering the circumstances. I'd say I am 90% satisfied with it. Sometimes I feel like its all a waste of time but then I need to figure out why I'm doing it in the first place. Its pretty weird because I feel like an outcast within the outcasts. What I am doing within the subgenre is not normal so its been very difficult finding an audience... its just a few people here and there that are into it. I would say its pretty lonely though. Music is my main hobby but it in a sense hides in the dark because I don't play live and the music is not accessible to the average listener. I just have to remember I made it first and foremost for myself. I just enjoy it a lot and I want to derive satisfaction out of knowing others do as well... maybe that's selfish? I have a great desire to share what I have created with others and feel stinted because I feel like its so difficult getting people to listen to it in the first place because it isn't normal. As a musician I wouldn't have this problem if I were a singer-songwriter so even within musicians I guess not all would really understand what I am getting at. I am so thankful for those that do give it a chance and I can only hope they are enjoying it. I probably am just investing too much of my emotional energy in the wrong places.

There have been a lot of events lately, lots of parties and get-togethers which have been fun, but I am really worn out today. I got sick last night so I guess today is recovery day. I was sick for a while a few weeks ago and missed 3 days of work because of some stomach infection which was terrible financially but at least it didn't last longer. There hasn't been much snow this winter which I guess is fine because my car isn't so good in it.

I have been watching a lot of basketball and of course the nfl playoffs. My suns aren't doing so well, but I'm not that surprised. My fantasy team is pretty average in our league, but Gerald Wallace has been playing ridiculously well lately which has helped. Not so sure about Chris Paul as my first pick, and honestly Rondo who I also have has probably had a better season.

I saw a black metal documentary in Portland on thursday night which was pretty interesting, at least especially the sections with Varg and Fenriz. I feel like it could have been better but I am glad I saw it, especially since its not on dvd. I saw it at SPACE, some art place in downtown Portland. Parking was awful there and I didn't know my way around at all with all the one way streets, not to mention I've never been to Portland in my life, but it all worked out. I left Portland at 930 and had to commute all the way back to NH, go to bed, wake up and drive all the back north of Portland to work on friday... yikes.... certainly won't be doing that very often.

I am glad today is the last day of January. Its one of my least favorite months for a lot of reasons... ick I'm watching tv and the freecreditreport.com commercial with the guy playing the guitar singing is sooo obnoxious. The stereotypical guy like him upsets me because of how loved he is. Perhaps I overestimate the appeal... blergh.

Well once again I guess this has been kind of a melodramatic blog post so I'll end it with something that can only be taken objectively, some random useless lists.

NBA teams I love:

Phoenix

NBA teams I like:

Milwaukee, Atlanta, Houston, Denver

NBA teams I don't particularly like:

Boston, Dallas

NBA teams I hate:

San Antonio, LA Lakers

Winter

It's been a long time since I've posted anything and today seemed like an appropriate day, not only because I actually have time, but because its the first day of winter, and also the darkest day of the year! Anyway, not a whole lot has changed since November. I still work at the same place and I got extended so it looks like I will be until this other job comes through, which is hopefully soon because it is way closer to home and pays a little more. Nonetheless, I'm thankful to have anything in the first place.

Right now I'm sitting in Lexington, MA at Christine's aunts place waiting to go out and celebrate Christmas with her grandma who won't be able to make it to VA this year. Tomorrow morning we leave for VA where I'll stay until the 29th when we will leave for NY and spend a few days finishing up the Bone Fragments album and also celebrate New Years Eve. So yea, 2 week vacation pretty much! Kinda exciting because I never expected to see that again for quite some time now that I'm done with school, unless of course I become unemployed...

Music-wise lets see... Very excited about this new release as I feel it demolishes the demo in every way. There have been four days of recording thus far, in two different sessions in November. It was quite stressful to say the least! My style of writing music tends to create a lush texture of guitar harmonies.... it works both in a symphonic and atmospheric aspect depending on the context... but yea many guitar parts, and recording them all in such a short time took its toll. I was so worried that we would not finish what we needed to especially since we are recording in NY and not NH. These last two days will be vocals, keys, and mixing, which is a squeeze but I am very happy everything else is complete. My brother Phil was a monster on the drums and whipped his lines out in no time at all. I was very impressed considering all he had to learn from was MIDI on a cd I gave him, not to mention the complex song structures. I had basic drum rhythms written but I told him to do his thing and he definitely did! Christine also did her bass lines and additional guitars faster than I expected, and thankfully too since it took me such a long time to get all of mine done! One song, the finale, took over 4 hours just for me to lay down the guitars. Ridiculous, and I have learned a lot about how I write music to make the recording process more efficient and easier in the future through this experience. However, it has been a lot of fun seeing the songs transform from simple MIDI video game sounding to their final form.

I haven't been listening to much new music lately, just a lot of Paysage d'Hiver and Blue Stone every now and then. I have listened to many cds I used to spin frequently, and to my dismay do not like them as much as I used to. But, I can't say I'm surprised. I am just wondering what is next for me in the music world, as more and more it seems lately there is not much that I get really excited about anymore.

Religion wise, still trying to sort things out, as I am sure will be a long process. I have been reading Orthodoxy which is very interesting and I have been marking all the things that struck me so I will have a list when I'm done.

This past week it got down to 2 degrees one morning, which is the coldest I have experienced. Not so bad though, as basically I just walk to my car, de-ice it, and walk into work. And I have this awesome L.L. Bean jacket so that keeps me nice 'n' toasty. I also drove down the big giant hill with ice on it a few times and luckily I am still alive! One day I had to turn around on my way to work though because it was snowing very heavily and the roads were not being plowed yet. It was nice to have a wednesday off though.

I guess that's it for now. I'm excited about a lot of things right now, especially seeing people in VA. Give me a ring if you want to chill.

Bone Fragments Circus Maleficus

Bone Fragments first-ever release, the demo "Circus Maleficus." Recorded and released in Fall '08. Songs composed in 2006-2007. Self released in limited edition (25).

Recording for the full-length has begun and it will be released around February 2010.

Download

Why I'm Jaded

At some point in your life you might become jaded for one reason or another. Here, I have compiled a list of the reasons why I consider myself jaded or discouraged and a tad misanthropic. On that note, warning, this post will be negative and perhaps a tad offensive. If you don't feel like confronting the unfortunate truth, it would be best to stop reading; but if you would like to take a dip in my daily despair by all means continue on. You will understand why a child filled with excitement and emotion eroded to a numb creature whose flame burned out.

Throughout the day, I have a lot of time to think due to my mindless job and two hours in the car commuting. I feel these observations stem from a number of different sources. One, and most importantly, personal experience. Two, being conditioned to how humans interact with each other. Three, my own undeniable sense of entitlement, a generation problem gone rather unrecognized. Four, my sheltered upbringing and general naivety about how the world turns, AKA 2.3 kid surburban middle-class Catholic school educated.

In addition, I think most people come to these conclusions much earlier than I did, like in their teenage years. But due to my sloth-like development for reasons unmentioned, my teenage melodramatic angst is coming out in my early twenties instead. And so here we go, a select list of Why I'm Jaded.

1. Because talking beats walking
2. Because reading the book won't get you saved
3. Because being the sweetest never gets you anywhere with girls (unless they have low self-esteem)
4. Because getting the grades and the awards won't get you the paycheck
5. Because whats cool with the herd gets you heard
6. Because looks kill brains
7. Because fear trumps love
8. Because being a conniving bitch makes you rich
9. Because being an ass gets you ass
10. Because less is more and more is less

Cynical indeed.

You could argue that these points are only negative if all you care about are money, girls (love), and Heaven. Again, the unfortunate truth is that these are some of the most major motivating forces humans face. Since I don't care much about any of these anymore, you can imagine my lack of motivation.

Blergh, I still care about a lot of other things though, like family, friends, art/music, and self-exploration. At some point I hope to break out of this dark shell and confront the world with a discovered zeal. But for now, I will just keep existing.

5 Best Black Metal Albums

After sifting through hundreds of black metal cds for years, these are the essential five. That's it, and now I'm pretty much done and bored with Black Metal. I'm sure I'll find out if something as good comes out.

Bone Fragments will always be very much alive and will never be limited.

Other essential albums of black/dark metal

Agalloch - The Mantle
Bethlehem - S.U.I.Z.I.D
Darkthrone - A Blaze in the Northern Sky
Dissection - Storm of the Light's Bane
Katatonia - Brave Murder Day
Nokturnal Mortum - Goat Horns
October Tide - Rain Without End
Opeth - Blackwater Park
Summoning - Stronghold
Ulver - Bergtatt
Walknut - Graveforests and their Shadows
Windir - Arntor

Suffering and Happiness

I've been thinking a lot on the Catholic perspectives on happiness and suffering lately but I am not completely certain they align with the dogma. Take this post with a grain of salt, as the Catholic faith in general expects us to be more than human, and indeed their utopia is not possible on this earth, at least until the second coming when most of us are done away with. I have compiled this thought process from all I have taken in through growing up in a strict Catholic environment.

It starts with this basic thought, one that most non-sadistic people in the world have had, that "everyone would be happy and not suffering." Sounds great right? Wow, I have compassion and feelings, I don't want others to be in pain! Whoopdidoo. Its a great feeling and belief, and I hope everyone has it, but there is another ingredient that is often forgotten or unknown, and without acknowledging it, one may actually be missing an important facet of understanding existence itself according to Christianity.

Basically, God wants us to be in Heaven.... yet, we must suffer to get there! Why?.. because otherwise we wouldn't have achieved anything or have anything to appreciate. If bliss was all we knew, it would not be bliss... it would be normal. If we began as gods, we would not be gods. You may be confused. I agree, this is not an easy matter to understand.

Since humans must suffer to reach Heaven, then should we desire them to suffer? No... but we should acknowledge it is an essential step in one's spiritual journey and pray for them. Through only suffering can one become greater than before. There are many lessons to be learned through suffering, and very few through happiness.

To desire happiness is a basic human instinct. To escape suffering is also a basic human instinct. Yet, humans are animals. God wants us to be more than animals. We must deny our instincts, we must take the path of greatest resistance, we must defy nature itself. This lesson applies to many sins, and a great example would be controlling the natural sexual urge. We must be more than bonobos, as fun as being a bonobo sounds. Get it?

I feel like this is pretty spot on teaching of the Catholic faith. But I fail as a human according to these standards. Even though I understand the aforementioned teachings, as well as the laws of morality, I cannot get myself to practice them to the extent necessary to achieve eternal life according to the Christian standard. I am just a human, an animal, nothing more, and perhaps I may never be.

Please correct me if I am wrong.