Monday, December 21, 2009


It's been a long time since I've posted anything and today seemed like an appropriate day, not only because I actually have time, but because its the first day of winter, and also the darkest day of the year! Anyway, not a whole lot has changed since November. I still work at the same place and I got extended so it looks like I will be until this other job comes through, which is hopefully soon because it is way closer to home and pays a little more. Nonetheless, I'm thankful to have anything in the first place.

Right now I'm sitting in Lexington, MA at Christine's aunts place waiting to go out and celebrate Christmas with her grandma who won't be able to make it to VA this year. Tomorrow morning we leave for VA where I'll stay until the 29th when we will leave for NY and spend a few days finishing up the Bone Fragments album and also celebrate New Years Eve. So yea, 2 week vacation pretty much! Kinda exciting because I never expected to see that again for quite some time now that I'm done with school, unless of course I become unemployed...

Music-wise lets see... Very excited about this new release as I feel it demolishes the demo in every way. There have been four days of recording thus far, in two different sessions in November. It was quite stressful to say the least! My style of writing music tends to create a lush texture of guitar harmonies.... it works both in a symphonic and atmospheric aspect depending on the context... but yea many guitar parts, and recording them all in such a short time took its toll. I was so worried that we would not finish what we needed to especially since we are recording in NY and not NH. These last two days will be vocals, keys, and mixing, which is a squeeze but I am very happy everything else is complete. My brother Phil was a monster on the drums and whipped his lines out in no time at all. I was very impressed considering all he had to learn from was MIDI on a cd I gave him, not to mention the complex song structures. I had basic drum rhythms written but I told him to do his thing and he definitely did! Christine also did her bass lines and additional guitars faster than I expected, and thankfully too since it took me such a long time to get all of mine done! One song, the finale, took over 4 hours just for me to lay down the guitars. Ridiculous, and I have learned a lot about how I write music to make the recording process more efficient and easier in the future through this experience. However, it has been a lot of fun seeing the songs transform from simple MIDI video game sounding to their final form.

I haven't been listening to much new music lately, just a lot of Paysage d'Hiver and Blue Stone every now and then. I have listened to many cds I used to spin frequently, and to my dismay do not like them as much as I used to. But, I can't say I'm surprised. I am just wondering what is next for me in the music world, as more and more it seems lately there is not much that I get really excited about anymore.

Religion wise, still trying to sort things out, as I am sure will be a long process. I have been reading Orthodoxy which is very interesting and I have been marking all the things that struck me so I will have a list when I'm done.

This past week it got down to 2 degrees one morning, which is the coldest I have experienced. Not so bad though, as basically I just walk to my car, de-ice it, and walk into work. And I have this awesome L.L. Bean jacket so that keeps me nice 'n' toasty. I also drove down the big giant hill with ice on it a few times and luckily I am still alive! One day I had to turn around on my way to work though because it was snowing very heavily and the roads were not being plowed yet. It was nice to have a wednesday off though.

I guess that's it for now. I'm excited about a lot of things right now, especially seeing people in VA. Give me a ring if you want to chill.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Bone Fragments Circus Maleficus

Bone Fragments first-ever release, the demo "Circus Maleficus." Recorded and released in Fall '08. Songs composed in 2006-2007. Self released in limited edition (25).

Recording for the full-length has begun and it will be released around February 2010.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Why I'm Jaded

At some point in your life you might become jaded for one reason or another. Here, I have compiled a list of the reasons why I consider myself jaded or discouraged and a tad misanthropic. On that note, warning, this post will be negative and perhaps a tad offensive. If you don't feel like confronting the unfortunate truth, it would be best to stop reading; but if you would like to take a dip in my daily despair by all means continue on. You will understand why a child filled with excitement and emotion eroded to a numb creature whose flame burned out.

Throughout the day, I have a lot of time to think due to my mindless job and two hours in the car commuting. I feel these observations stem from a number of different sources. One, and most importantly, personal experience. Two, being conditioned to how humans interact with each other. Three, my own undeniable sense of entitlement, a generation problem gone rather unrecognized. Four, my sheltered upbringing and general naivety about how the world turns, AKA 2.3 kid surburban middle-class Catholic school educated.

In addition, I think most people come to these conclusions much earlier than I did, like in their teenage years. But due to my sloth-like development for reasons unmentioned, my teenage melodramatic angst is coming out in my early twenties instead. And so here we go, a select list of Why I'm Jaded.

1. Because talking beats walking
2. Because reading the book won't get you saved
3. Because being the sweetest never gets you anywhere with girls (unless they have low self-esteem)
4. Because getting the grades and the awards won't get you the paycheck
5. Because whats cool with the herd gets you heard
6. Because looks kill brains
7. Because fear trumps love
8. Because being a conniving bitch makes you rich
9. Because being an ass gets you ass
10. Because less is more and more is less

Cynical indeed.

You could argue that these points are only negative if all you care about are money, girls (love), and Heaven. Again, the unfortunate truth is that these are some of the most major motivating forces humans face. Since I don't care much about any of these anymore, you can imagine my lack of motivation.

Blergh, I still care about a lot of other things though, like family, friends, art/music, and self-exploration. At some point I hope to break out of this dark shell and confront the world with a discovered zeal. But for now, I will just keep existing.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

5 Best Black Metal Albums

After sifting through hundreds of black metal cds for years, these are the essential five. That's it, and now I'm pretty much done and bored with Black Metal. I'm sure I'll find out if something as good comes out.

Bone Fragments will always be very much alive and will never be limited.

Other essential albums of black/dark metal

Agalloch - The Mantle
Bethlehem - S.U.I.Z.I.D
Darkthrone - A Blaze in the Northern Sky
Dissection - Storm of the Light's Bane
Katatonia - Brave Murder Day
Nokturnal Mortum - Goat Horns
October Tide - Rain Without End
Opeth - Blackwater Park
Summoning - Stronghold
Ulver - Bergtatt
Walknut - Graveforests and their Shadows
Windir - Arntor

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Suffering and Happiness

I've been thinking a lot on the Catholic perspectives on happiness and suffering lately but I am not completely certain they align with the dogma. Take this post with a grain of salt, as the Catholic faith in general expects us to be more than human, and indeed their utopia is not possible on this earth, at least until the second coming when most of us are done away with. I have compiled this thought process from all I have taken in through growing up in a strict Catholic environment.

It starts with this basic thought, one that most non-sadistic people in the world have had, that "everyone would be happy and not suffering." Sounds great right? Wow, I have compassion and feelings, I don't want others to be in pain! Whoopdidoo. Its a great feeling and belief, and I hope everyone has it, but there is another ingredient that is often forgotten or unknown, and without acknowledging it, one may actually be missing an important facet of understanding existence itself according to Christianity.

Basically, God wants us to be in Heaven.... yet, we must suffer to get there! Why?.. because otherwise we wouldn't have achieved anything or have anything to appreciate. If bliss was all we knew, it would not be bliss... it would be normal. If we began as gods, we would not be gods. You may be confused. I agree, this is not an easy matter to understand.

Since humans must suffer to reach Heaven, then should we desire them to suffer? No... but we should acknowledge it is an essential step in one's spiritual journey and pray for them. Through only suffering can one become greater than before. There are many lessons to be learned through suffering, and very few through happiness.

To desire happiness is a basic human instinct. To escape suffering is also a basic human instinct. Yet, humans are animals. God wants us to be more than animals. We must deny our instincts, we must take the path of greatest resistance, we must defy nature itself. This lesson applies to many sins, and a great example would be controlling the natural sexual urge. We must be more than bonobos, as fun as being a bonobo sounds. Get it?

I feel like this is pretty spot on teaching of the Catholic faith. But I fail as a human according to these standards. Even though I understand the aforementioned teachings, as well as the laws of morality, I cannot get myself to practice them to the extent necessary to achieve eternal life according to the Christian standard. I am just a human, an animal, nothing more, and perhaps I may never be.

Please correct me if I am wrong.

Saturday, October 10, 2009


Somersworth had its annual Pumpkin festival today so Christine and I went for a while and took a ride with the horses and watched people smash pumpkins with a giant catapult. Pretty fun and different! The temperature is perfect today and tomorrow we plan to go hiking in the White Mountains to make sunday not feel like a sunday. Here are some pictures of the scenery.

Notice anything on Christine? The last three are of the cemetery in our yard. There's some abandoned building with a creepy Mary altar outside it. I love how the trees have grown into some of the graves.
Christine and I are hard at work preparing to record the full-length Bone Fragments cd in early November. We are extremely excited about it and the current atmosphere is a good match for the music. Today may be good lyric writing day...

Sunday, October 4, 2009

My favorite 10 Black Sabbath Songs

The band that opened the gateway for me. Their debut was the first metal album I ever acquired, and naturally it was on cassette. I think my picks are a tad untraditional, but Sabbath is one of those great bands where you must delve past the greatest hits and best known to find the gems.

10. Behind the Wall of Sleep

9. Killing Yourself to Live

8. Hand of Doom

7. Cornucopia

6. After Forever

5. The Wizard

4. Megalomania

3. Thrill of it All

2. Black Sabbath

1. The Writ

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My 20 Favorite Black Metal Songs (in order)

I was pretty excited about making this list, and even though I'm sure I will want to alter it, this is as accurate as I can be presently. This list is strictly black metal, no fringe bands (Bethlehem, Katatonia, etc.) are included.

20. Graveland - In the Northern Carpathians

A cheesy yet entertaining intro full church bells and crying babies begins this epic. Solid, raw, and classic, very atmospheric. 1994. Poland.

19. Velvet Cacoon - Avalon Polo

Publicity stunts aside, Velvet Cacoon created some serious atmospheric drone on Genevieve, and this track takes the cake for me. 2004. USA.

18. Summoning - The Rotting Horse on the Deadly Ground

My favorite by Summoning, total Tolkien worship, but great melodies abound. 1999. Austria.

17. Gorgorth - Gorgoroth

The intro is what makes this song so great. Layer upon layer of harmonized guitar trem-picked goodness. 1996. Norway.

16. Dimmu Borgir - Stormblast

Before they got terrible, Dimmu Borgir released an atmospheric masterpiece with the outro of this particular song being the climax. 1996. Norway.

15. Cradle of Filth - A Gothic Romance (Red Roses for the Devil's Whore)

Before you decide this list has lost all credibility, put your bias against this band aside and listen to this. Vampyric atmosphere at its best. 1996. England.

14. Walknut - Grim Woods

Not very well known. Atmospheric, hypnotic. 2007. Russia.

13. Ulver - Capitel II: Soelen gaaer bag aase need

Everything about this song is pretty much perfect, especially the chorus section with the clean vocals. 1995. Norway.

12. Blut Aus Nord - From Hlidskjalf

Icy and otherworldly. 1995. France.

11. Satyricon - King of the Shadowthrone

I could have just as easily picked Dominions of Satyricon, but decided on this one instead. Classic 2nd wave from Norway. 1994.

10. Darkthrone - A Blaze in the Northern Sky

The aggression to this album is insane, and something appalling was brewing within these guys back in the day. 1992. Norway.

9. Forest Silence - I Feel the Claws of Darkness

The least well known on this list (shame). Thick synth-laden atmosphere with razor riffage. 2002. Hungary.

8. Drudkh - The Eternal Turn of the Wheel

Many would pick False Dawn instead, but I prefer this one. Hypnotic and repetitive with brilliant harmonized riffs, just how I like it. Too bad this band only has 2 solid albums before becoming mediocre. 2002. Ukraine.

7. Vlad Tepes - Under the Carpathian Yoke

The definition of kvlt. Absolutely insane in a great way. 1995. France.

6. Nokturnal Mortum - Kolyada

Essential listening, especially the 2nd half. Folky goodness. 1997. Ukraine.

5. Windir - Saknet

Valfar (R.I.P.) was a true composer. Saknet is his finest work. 1999. Norway.

4. Nokturnal Mortum (again) Tears of Paganism/Lunar Poetry

Pure atmospheric aggressive black metal at its absolute finest. The horrible sound quality just adds to the fun. 1996. Ukraine.

3. Paysage d'Hiver - Der Weg

Listen to believe. The only black metal album as a whole that can compete with Burzum's Hvis Lyset tar Oss. Summed up best from some dude at

"The music of Paysage D'Hiver is used as a monomanic, minimalist musical mantra. This mantra is supposed to help the listener to visualize Alpine winter landscapes, and to experience this landscape as sublime, an aesthetic emotion of simultaneous attraction and fear, an emotion which finds its origin in Romanticism. Listening to Paysage D'Hiver is a phantasmatic practice."

2000. Switzerland.

2. Xasthur - In the Hate of Battle

The first Xasthur song I ever heard, and still by a landslide my favorite. I rarely listen to this (once every 2-3 years) to savor it all the more when I do. Depressive black metal at its best.

2002. USA.

1. Burzum - Det Some En Gang Var

No surprise here. Det Som En Gang Var will probably will be the best black metal song ever recorded, past and future. 1994. Norway.

A few notes:

For someone just entering the black metal world, many of these songs, particularly the depressive and minimalist ones, will seem like no big thing. They take many many listens to appreciate fully.

Also, no Emperor, Immortal, Mayhem, or Enslaved made the list, which even surprised me.

You probably think I'm a big nerd now, but I think you are missing out on some of the best music ever recorded.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Crazy Saturday

Extreme Strings

Thought I'd start with another strings thingy I just wrote. Not epic by any means, pretty simple and driving.

This weekend was pretty wild. Yesterday I decided to dye my hair on the spot, and right after that task was completed we went apple picking at McDougals near Sanford, Maine.

We got some HUUUGE crispins, which would be a chore to eat on your own, and also some honeycrisp, macoun, cortland, and some other obscure brands I don't remember. Of course we avoided the red delicious, the image everyone envisions when picturing an apple, and surely the worst kind by far.

After we picked our apples and I was lugging this massive bag we took a little hay ride around the place. Then we got some homemade apple cinnamon donut munchkins and hot cider and ate a crispin with those at a picnic table. I thought it was so cool that this place was a short 20 minute country drive from our place, whereas in VA it would be an all-day event.

Last night we went to the abandoned Scenic Theater in Rochester, NH for a mock paranormal investigation and training session. I learned all about the different types of equipment used, how to use them and hook them up, basic electrical theory, informative tidbits on how to conduct different aspects of an investigation, etc. etc. Basically, I have the knowledge now to start buying my own equipment and conduct my own investigations!

We spent about 2 hours investigating the theater which had 4 floors. We got a spike in our EMF and K2 simultaneously in one room, but theorized it was an electrical source in the wall or from directly in the building next door. Also, in the 3rd floor theater, one girl got a bad vibe and needed to leave, but upon further investigation by the rest of us, no strange activity was found besides a slight increase in EMF in one doorway. The basement proved to be rather creepy, with a vent of doom that disappeared into darkness. No one entered that. The first floor ballroom was the main area of the venue, and was filled with lots of clutter seemingly from 50 years ago.

The likelihood is that this theater was not haunted, despite previous reports of an investigator following an EMF reading in the 2nd floor bathroom, and an extreme sensation of feeling unwanted and needing to leave a room in the basement. However, nothing happened last night, and the experience simply served as a venue to experiment and learn about the different types of equipment, as well as a way to figure out how I can become an investigator myself.

Today its rainy, and I have lots of laundry to do. Maybe I'll spice it up with some Dino Crisis later...

Saturday, September 26, 2009

New Hair Color

So I dyed my hair malaysian cherry! Its the first time I've done anything drastic since actually growing it out in the first place. It was a pretty quick decision and I didn't look back. I'm very happy with the results (good job Christine).

I think it fits the upcoming fall atmosphere pretty well.

The bball hoop there is the one I get to play at, double rims and all hehe.

Tonight I have my first paranormal investigation in an abandoned theater in Rochester, NH. I'll learn all about the ghost gadgets so I can have investigations on my own eventually! I'll post all about it soon.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Better MIDI

So I just download a direct Midi to Mp3 converter because doing it through I-Tunes was lame and crashing my computer half the time. I am really happy too because this converter makes the MIDI quality better than it was before... I guess it uses a better sound engine (well it couldn't get any worse....)

I've reuploaded the new slightly better sounding version if Bambi and a new one Nightmare.



Enjoy! :O)

That song is kind of all over the place. Lots of augmented and 7th chords. 3 minutes of schizophrenic midi abuse.

So I have been thinking a lot about the future of the world lately and my outlook is pretty grim. I don't like to spread negativity and that is not my intention. I just think things are worse off than the masses realize, and that life as we know it must change drastically in order for us to live in the same comfort that we have been so used to. The intensity of the matter has not sunk in, and unfortunately time is against us. The state of worldly affairs is beyond sub-par, but many would argue that that has always been the case. With technology, specifically the ease at which we can communicate in which distance is no longer a factor, as well as the atrocious destructive weapons that have been created, rash and devastating decisions can have apocalyptic consequences that can happen pretty much overnight. We have no idea what our government is up to, and if there is any information at all that would be too dangerous for the public to handle, there is no way they would disclose it. As far as wild people in the world, for starters, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran, recently called the Holocaust a "lie." Thank God he does not have the power to launch nuclear action (he isn't the supreme leader). There are millions of people out there suffering that are angry at the United States, envious of our quality of life, disgusted with our overuse of the resources, appalling consumerism and over-abundance of things we do not need, and inability to truly recognize how our ways of life are not sustainable and will ultimately fail if drastic change is not achieved. We must change our fuel consumption, not only because oil will eventually run out and become much more expensive to acquire, but because we are putting the natural climate cycle out of whack, and while the earth is in a thousand year cycle of cooling presently and the current sub-cycle within is one of warming, we are increasing that warming to unprecedented and unnatural rates, with consequences the earth itself has never experienced before. What it all comes down to is that our way of life is unnatural. There is impending doom.

We have to do more than just pray. Unfortunately, we as basic citizens have little power besides what we alter in our own lives to help cause change. Yet, because humans are naturally herd-like and enjoy being accepted by others, unless it becomes cool to recycle and revolt, most people will enjoy life as they know it. It is easy to ignore and forget, especially "bad" things, and humans are forgetful by nature, making it all the easier.

We cannot afford to be conservative, but neither can we afford to be too liberal, to the point where actions have not been thought out completely, or studied to see if they will be in harmony with nature. Old fashioned mass-culture views need serious upending, and thankfully we have won that battle slightly, but much more work needs to be done.

In the future I can see children not being raised in families, but in almost orphanage type situations where "mothers" have been appointed by the government because of their natural urges and desires. The other women, due to the equality of men and women, will pursue independent lives with no worries of unwanted preganancy due to a revoultionary type of birth control. Marriage and the family as we know it will be no longer necessary social customs because of the level of technology that will be in existence. Much of the world will be built underground, where artifical means of sunlight and other natural phenomena will keep those that "remember how things were" satisifed. Death as we know and understand it may not even exist. Communication will be telepathic and much less emphasis will be on what you can do with your physical self, meaning sports will be nearly nonexistent.

These are merely personal ideas, comment or attack if you wish.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Goofy Spyro songs, life...

So I started my job yesterday and I am pretty wiped. I've gotta get use to this massive commute and serious lack of free time. But at least some $$ is comin in...So far it's ok, not too exciting, learning some stuff, hanging out in a jungle in Asia, ya know the usual. The breaks are nice though.

This past weekend was a lot of fun. I went to the UFO festival on saturday and heard a bunch of lectures by professionals on the matter. I'm too exhausted right now to get into it, but it was very entertaining and intriguing. They pretty much said we've been "had" by the U.S. government and the reasoning that they refuse to disclose any information is because it would change the very nature of our life and cause mass chaos. The technology they claimed to have found allows travel in anti-gravity, basically warping, and therefore would leave no need for cars, etc. causing a mass collapse in the economy, as well as general paranoia. But apparently the aliens love us very much but find us really amusing. The reason they came in the first place was because of our extreme violent tendencies, and the H-Bomb explosions gathered their attention. They would like us to join the galactic community, but not until we have progressed to the point where we are peaceful and calm. Bleh, that's enough for now, take it with a grain of salt.

The songs posted here are strange compositions utilizing a lot of odd chords. They remind me of music from the video game Spyro the Dragon. I wrote them last week and got pretty excited because they are a little different than what I usually do. The first one repeats the same thing 4 times, because ina video game the song would be on repeat anyway....but just so you are aware it ends abruptly at the end of the 4th cycle.

Spyro Hectic Village

Spyro Icy Night

Thursday, September 3, 2009


The last three nights I have had very violent dreams. It's pretty weird because I don't do anything violent during the day and I don't believe I have any bottled up feelings against anyone. I have also been waking up very often between 3-4. Christine says this is because I sleep in so late in the morning. I am not so sure myself but I will monitor it. My theory about dreams is that they are illogical and just the brain's way of trying to learn and process information from life, especially the most recent day or days, and it is an essential part of living. I read a theory yesterday that we all have an astral body that visits other worlds as we dream. Seems pretty out there, but who knows.

Regarding 2012, the theme is going to be completely over-exposed in the media to the point that it will become a mockery and not taken seriously. Already, there are a few movies coming out within 6 months about 2012 and the end of the world, what you must do to survive, and how life will be on the other side. And this is only 2009. Imagine the sensationalism that will occur in 2010 and 11! I think I am one of the few that honestly believes something major is going to happen on Dec. 21, 2012, but I also think that there will be warning and/or a build-up. I have been into this date for years and have predicted that the media would catch on. I feel humorous views on this date are totally wrong, almost ignorant, and just another example of our world, especially our spoiled U.S. culture, believing nothing they can imagine could possibly ever happen that would mess up their perfect lives. People will have their reasons and I would love to hear them, and I will respect those that have substance and are well thought out. But to just laugh it off is a big mistake, giving all the data and synchronicity that points to this date as a major climax of some sort.

I suppose one of the major reasons I have firm belief in this date is the synchronicity I have personally experienced, regarding the time 11:11. I'm not going to explain what happened back in 2005 here, but those who know me well have probably heard me tell the tale. Well, basically I look at that experience as an Awakening. It has taken me a long while to get that far but I am confident in that assessment. Even more evidence is that on December 21, 2012, the winter solstice occurs in the Northern Hemisphere at precisely 11:11. Is that just a coincidence too?

Anyway, hope I didn't scare some of you off.

The song I am posting today was written in Fall 2007 and was inspired by some keyboard passages off of Dimmu Borgir's first two cds, For All Tid and Stormblast. It's a bit melancholic but rather soothing in a way too. This song is an example of a "round" song in the sense that instruments keep adding and adding. I tend to do that a lot as I always have more ideas of what would sound good on top. Hope you enjoy.

Dark Lonely Sorrow

Monday, August 31, 2009

I'm Employed!

Today was a pretty weird day. It started off with the usual nerves about the dreaded job interview and of course me being overprepared gets to the parking lot an hour before I am supposed to be. I'm not that much of a loser though, this job is 60 miles from my house and I wanted to leave enough time for traffic. So I got there and I was like this is stupid, I'm gonna go drive around just for the hell of it...buuut the interview went really well and now I feel like I can relax! They called me like an hour after I got home and said they checked my references and I am all set to go, which was a huge surprise for me because they said they wouldn't contact me until friday! I said I'd think about it and call them back tomorrow but 95% chance I am gonna take it. It is a temporary map technician position for 4 months and doesn't pay very much, but it is in my field with opportunity for advancement. I am just going to have one monster commute!!!

The song I am uploading today is one I wrote a long while ago, in March 08. It starts kinda happy and carouselly but kind of descends into what reminds me of rather ominous or being lost in a dark house with candles and velvet....bleh I have no idea, paint your own picture.

Lost Mansion

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Hey everyone

This blog will function as a way to get my latest midi recordings out to the world as well as personal rants and raves/how life is treating me. Basically a good solid way to get my internal to the external. Comments much appreciated!

This first song was written around Thanksgiving 08. I'm not sure what the inspiration was, but it reminds me of the whole fantasy theme, like wizards and magic and all that lame stuff. I guess a lot of my orchestrated midi files sound like movie soundtracks... Hope you enjoy it!

Movie Song