Principles to Aid Faith

1. Any thought, action, or ideology that has direct root in physical desire must be questioned, and thus if beyond natural existence or necessity, must be regarded with skepticism.

2. We are beacons of positive and negative energy with the capability of choice to emit either, and thus we have more responsibility of what we emit to the ether.

3. The Holy Ghost will never forsake the world.

4. Strive to defy roots of nature, whether it be chimp or bonobo.

5. We will never be nor should be expect to be perfect, but we must always strive and slay discouragement.

6. We must both embrace and defy nature according to love.

The Big Picture (Part 2)

Let me be begin by declaring a caveat. My interpretations and insights from experiences I have encountered are just that; my own. Everyone is in a different mind-space when they encounter life and thus they take away their own perception of realities. One thing I have become aware of though, is sometimes one cannot comprehend certain mindsets; small-mind and big-mind do exist. This post contains a lot of "ifs" strung together as truths and thus will most likely come across as a paranoid schizophrenic nightmare, which it may (hopefully) is, but also remember once one has seen the big picture, he is generally regarded as insane and outcasted. Sometimes the truth hurts too much. Forgive the tone of megalomania; that is not how it is meant to come across. I am going to make a lot of references to certain ideas but omit specifics and then I encourage you to research these things yourselves if you feel so inclined. Maybe I will add some links throughout this at some point...

Where do we begin... I suppose the overarching theory here is that you and I are all being lied to. Everything you have ever known either is or may be somewhat of a lie, lies spun from the top of the pyramid. Let's jot down a quick truth that more or less has become trendy; You are not as important as you would like to think you are. The irony is that the people (including me) that tend to acknowledge this also tend to be the narcissists. But, this is how we have been trained; through the media, especially the television, the greatest tool of indoctrination ever invented. Our culture has been carefully shaped by the wealthiest of the wealthy who control the FED and the big banks, of which government has become submissive to. This is nothing new, in fact ever since before WWI the plan has started to take shape. By funding both sides of the wars these inconceivably rich cluster of families in the shadows continue to literally create the future, in part by establishing puppets but more in part by feeding off of the weaknesses of humans, such as the 7 deadly sins (greed, lust, pride, etc.) and using them to their advantage, so that we will continue to battle each other instead of seeking out the real solutions. Now, by indoctrinating the first world countries with a multitude of ideas, such as nothing but positive rhetoric on globalization, incredible encouragement of technology, and a culture of unnatural violence, while at the same time raising the standards of living to shield us from seeing the eventual consequences of such comfortable indifferent existence, one that lacks soul and actual living. Reality has become much easier to escape, individual courage and conviction of values and principles fall, and the weight of cynicism smothers any remaining spirit. It is no surprise that mental disorders are on the rise, even in an era of luxury never known to mass society in 99% of human history. Learning how to play the game and the "bigger is better" attitude was throttled into the Americans under Reagan, an often praised president, when in reality was a giant puppet, a former movie star that could relate messages to the average American because of his suave delivery and persona. Since he was so easy to utilize, the lurkers in the shadows took this opportunity to truly get their plan in action, one that throughout the glory years of the 90s was rarely thought of by the public to have limitation. Now, after financial collapse and a sloth-like recovery, slowly, people (albeit not nearly enough) are awaking from this 30 year slumber to enjoy a more realistic life. Forced to lower living standards for themselves, since they thought "it can't happen here" (oh yea Frank Zappa knew) true values like perseverance and faith are being dusted off, but not without a lot of resistance from a slightly confused and shocked vacuum with major blockage in its pipes.

Fascism, one of those crazy myths from some lame history book I read once could never happen again, right? The world would never let something so terrible occur.... Wrong. The police state is officially here with the passage of the NDAA, signed on New Year's Eve when no one was paying attention. What is truly traumatizing is that many Americans have no idea what language this act entails. Let me paraphrase for you from the section titled "The Homeland Battlefield Bill"; indefinite detention of US citizens in military camps for possible terrorist involvement, the definition of which will continue to be broadened over the months and years. Even worse that a democrat signed this into office, as there surely would have been outrage amongst the left if our old friend on the right had tried something of this magnitude. The Bill of Rights? What's that? Oh yea, most of it has been destroyed. What once would have been amusing and incredible now strangely stops me cold. Repeated references in the media to the occupy protestors as domestic terrorists should not be taken lightly by anyone. The priorities of those in charge of our police force are directly ordered down the pyramid. By allowing 9/11 to occur, the elites sold the Americans to a "war on fear" a war that can never be won as fear is a feeling, not an actual opponent. And when faced with fear, with no actual life skills and total reliance on the infrastructure, we are the easiest sheep to herd perhaps again, in 99% of human history. With many government whistleblowers facing immense persecution, their stories cannot be taken with a grain of salt. Since 9/11 worked so well, it would be no surprise if this tactic was repeated, again, in a controlled manner. Now with police in full-riot gear to battle unarmed peaceful protestors, with the use of tactical military-grade weapons, and now even local police forces accepting drones for their own use, rest assured your privacy and humanity will continue to be mechanized and controlled, subjected without your will. In addition, the Department of Homeland Security has begun monitoring heavily many popular websites such as Facebook, twitter, nytimes, hulu, huffington post, wikileaks, etc. Why is this necessary again? If there ever was a time for Orwell's dystopian vision in 1984 to be taken seriously, now is the time before it becomes too late. Once the world slowly becomes accustomed to drones leading the siege, we officially hand ourselves over to the military-industrial complex. Like the return of fascism sounding like a fairy tale, air-borne bird-flu sprayed over us from drones like pesticides over a crop of corn becomes an idea more than "just the crazy man in the corner shouting."

On the topic of religion, I believe our faiths will be tested in the coming years, not only due to the advancement of scientific knowledge, but due to severe catastrophe. Be aware of who funded what and in what fields and how it is being used. In the grand scheme, think about how citizens of developed nations continue to find procreating a burden and an afterthought. Be aware of how our sexuality has been corrupted and if we follow the current path what the next generation will be indoctrinated into. Although we believe we can create paradise on earth, that is the ultimate lie we have been sold. Even those in constant states of pleasure will never be fulfilled in their soul. And the likelihood of you being one of the partakers of the best results of this "paradise on earth" is beyond slim. As enslaved as we are as it is by partaking in society, (as humans constantly strive for social companionship), we continue to unconsciously be creating an even greater slavery for ourselves. If you have student debt you are already an indentured servant. The occupy movement desires a lack of hierarchy, almost anarchy, an egalitarian society in small groups where marriage does not exist but the tribe does. (Look at how sports are small tribes as well as just an outlet for hormones, and sports fans just want to be part of a victorious tribe... sports are just another true distraction from the big picture). I attribute original sin to the rise of agriculture as this knowledge led to the idea of property, and subsequently money. Ultimately, lack of hierarchy is a good thing, as I am completely against vertical hierarchy in almost any form, however I can understand at least the Vatican teaches timeless virtues to strive for (not saying I am thrilled with the Vatican either). But ultimate equality and unconditional love are the goals, and they are achievable, although the results will not be shared on this earth. Until we all realize we really are brothers and sisters and break down all the barriers between us, until we realize there are some things ultimately beyond our perception and that time-space is as malleable as silly putty, we will not be on the road to Heaven. So wear a good face, suffer in silence, and do not despair. Without sounding self-righteous, by practicing selflessness we can set an example, inspire faith in others, overcome the true issues of human desire, and through the narrow path, the order from chaos, we can escape the road to ruin.

Now that you think I'm nuts, are in a frenzy, or most likely don't care much, I will say there is so much more to delve into at another time...but for now, believe me it is going to be an interesting year...

The Big Picture (Part 1)

In this world where science and technology have taken enormous exponential progressive leaps with no signs of falter, it is no coincidence that religious faith has started to subside and/or weaken for those that are part of this advanced globalized society. In fact, it seems inevitable that we are coming very close to a point never seen before in history, where the debate of Catholic doctrine will actually truly reach an impasse, thereby causing either the destruction of religion as we know it, complete obliteration of the human race, or progression in a world of utmost certainty, the latter of which would defeat the purpose of religion, strip away the need for faith, and solidify human pride, finishing the evolution humans have so desired, to become gods of the earth.

That probably made little sense so I will try to explain. I believe the true evil is quantification of reality. By establishing our own exact parameters for human interaction and capabilities there will be no mysteries and no point to life as we know it. Life would become a giant excel spreadsheet of infinite characteristics all ranked with no regard for ethics. We are essentially enslaving and demeaning ourselves to machines, a "life" form created solely by man. Once emotions, ideas, and even thoughts can be quantified, we have lost. Essentially through the veils of success in life, pleasure in life, esteem from others, comfort, and (false) happiness, we are enslaved already to a point, creating a horror show for the current elite to master reality.

But why does it all have to be doom and gloom? Isn't technology wonderful and has made human life a much more enriching experience? For now, you could argue yes. But more and more we create more opportunities for enslavement not only to those that will gain control of the technology, but also to ourselves as we will have mathematically reached a crux where our humanity is lost and we truly become a faction of the laws of this earth, a place where the current progressive cycle ends, singularity begins, and faith becomes obsolete. If we continue to give in to the notion of paradise on earth, achieved only through quantifying human life, we continue to crack open the door to eugenic horrors and total enslavement mankind has only fathomed in science fiction.

Paradise on earth, paradise in time as we know it, should not exist even if one has no religious beliefs at all. Without our humanity we are nothing. When lying becomes impossible, when the need for interaction with others is unnecessary, when we have finally shut the door to what we perceive as suffering, only then can true suffering begin. I believe that inevitable paradigm shift is right around the corner, and we will have to fight to save our humanity. However, there is still hope, and despair is the greatest enemy.

Thoughts....

I feel as if the world as we know it must make some sort of shift before it is too late. DUH! That is probably one of the most obvious trendy statements of the past 10 years. But now it is becoming increasingly obvious, at least in the USA, where a cultural battle ensues....an extremely complicated battle, at least for me personally, which challenges and conflicts my very identity. I try to separate church and state, but having such hardcore moral ideals ingrained into my brain for the first 18 years of my life, it is hard for my natural progressive rebellious almost brain using self to break free from my conscience induced gut. I often wonder if other people feel the same way, but usually I look around and it seems everyone else has it all figured out. But I know this is not the case and everyone has internal conflicts, blah blah, but I am making my own internal independent transition at the same time that a mass external transition is taking place around me. Am I then a follower? Do I transition in the exact same way? Is this transition really a progression? Is having and acting upon progressive ideals really going to bring upon progressive results? I am now going to try and sort out some of this mess that goes on in my head on a daily basis.

The Antichrist; supposedly he will be peaceful (at first...?), he will be elected to power, he will rule a one world government that is red (communist or socialist), he will be the ultimate deceiver. Looking within myself: I am pro-choice, pro-contraception, anti-death penalty, anti-big corporation. Right there there is a conflict. How can I be pro-life but also pro-death? Am I giving myself in to this "culture of death?" I believe it is within everyone's freedom to make their own personal decisions regarding their body and what goes on within their bedroom as well as making their own choices concerning when they will conceive. But are we trying to play God by doing that? I have been taught that by not using contraception and using NFP we are psychologically opening ourselves up to the possibility of conceiving and therefore there is no resentment from either party if conception occurs; we are also validating ourselves and almost adding a safety cushion (if conception occurred at a particular time that was not ideal AKA an accident) that the child is a gift and that it is meant to be. However, can you not also reach this same psychological and social goal of a loving bond between man and woman of supporting and relying on each other, dealing with every battle together, without bringing the extra God element into the picture?

It almost seems as if reverting to a more simple shared lifestyle of our predecessors from 10,000 years ago before the establishment of organized religion is exactly what the bible says is the Satanic way. With sex used as a social connection rather than strictly a reproductive, (as it indeed was until marriage came about, which by the way was created by people not God, unless you look at it that anything created by people was directly or even indirectly created by God; but that is a completely different debate) we could step into a more loving communal shared society. But putting faith in man and not God is the ultimate evil, paradise promised in time by man, simply giving himself over to the Antichrist.

I had a dream the other night that since we were not taken to Heaven and stuck on earth, science and technology reached such an extreme that we were not able to die here on earth, even if we wanted to. And if we did die, our corpses and psyches could be reconstructed thorough obtained DNA. Graveyards throughout the world would be dug up in order to resurrect those of times past. Man could play God, but we would all be eternal slaves here on earth to the Antichrist rather than in Heaven. Again, by putting faith in man and trying to find a better and more loving shared way of living, we would be tricked into our doom.

I realize so far this is really a jumbled mess and if I had more time I would try and construe it a bit better. And really, what did you expect from a mind that is a jumbled mess?

Homosexuality; contrary to popular belief, the Church does not hate or condemn homosexuals! They just teach that they may not act on their carnal desires and are encouraged to live a celibate life of charity. However, how can you deprive someone of their sexual urge, something as natural as eating and sleeping? It seems cruel and one-dimensional to force homosexuals into a vocation due to their genetic makeup, a vocation that in all other aspects of their life they do not naturally feel called to. I find it more loving to accept those for what sexual preference they are, as homosexuality is not a choice!

Feminism; I believe in gender egalitarianism and am a bit upset by the patriarchal makeup of the Church. I could get the obvious arguments such as only male priests, male altar servers in conservative diocese etc. but instead I am going to point to a simple experience I had. Many times I have visited a particular convent (older retired nuns) and across the street is a seminary, or a home for older retired priests. Can you see where this is going? Take a wild guess. The seminary is like a palace, castle-esque, royal, simply an aesthetic wonder and a place anyone would marvel upon visually and thus be filled with envy. Well maybe that is an extreme reaction but you get the point. The convent on the other hand, is similar in structure to an inner-city hospital, or much like a multi-story nursing home. Although it has its nice areas and well maintained grounds, it is still nothing in comparison. I actually think the convent is how it should be! In a religion that promotes self-sacrifice and charity, how can these retired priests feel good about themselves hiding away in a palace, while 15 miles away (NYC) thousands of people are suffering due to very poor housing and lack of capital. Self sacrifice should continue throughout your entire existence, not just until you retire. I know I am being extremely judgmental of these retired priests as I am sure they have done many wonderful acts throughout their lives and perhaps I am focusing on a negative view, but I see how there is a serious disconnect between ideology and reality.

Anton La Vey used to work at a carnival as an organ player and saw many Christian men ogling and cheating with prostitutes on Saturday, only to find these same men at his other job in the Church on Sunday with their wives and family, silently seeking forgiveness. However the cycle would repeat itself endlessly. This hypocrisy was one of many that caused him to start his hedonistic lifestyle, focusing on the individual, and fulfilling ones own needs and desires without harming each other and upholding basic secular laws within reason. However, he has overlooked the wonders that bringing and sharing oneself to a world greater than oneself can reward. The individual may be important, as we are indeed all regarded as "special" but we are encouraged to share and sacrifice our talents for the sake of others. He has also overlooked the power of unconditional forgiveness and the importance of this idea in bringing peace to oneself and others.

Finally, the ego. Doing what is right naturally brings confidence and strength to the ego. But this in itself should not be the motivation for doing what is right. In fact fulfilling the ego is just fulfilling what Hindus call the ultimate problem, fulfilling desire. There could be many subconscious reasons for fulfilling the ego such as power, control, or even just security. How to bypass this impact becomes a real challenge, but should usually not inhibit one from giving, even if their sole purpose is to obtain mental pleasure from giving. That is not true sacrifice.

I don't know what the future holds but I do know and can feel a battle going on that is greater than ourselves. What path is the correct path? Is there one right way? I will continue to pursue the truth, that of which combining my secular experiences with my moral upbringing even if my morals have shifted a bit. And perhaps that is what is causing this internal turmoil, the uncertainty, the desire to not be deceived. As the Hindus believe, all we really want are to exist eternally, to be all-knowing, and to hold everlasting joy.

More to come...

Top 10 favorite Metal Albums (Yearly)

* = top 10 ever

1970-1989

10. Megadeth - Peace Sells but Who's Buying?
9. King Diamond - Fatal Portrait
8. Yngwie Malmsteen - Rising Force
7. Iron Maiden - Seventh Son of a Seventh Son
6. Black Sabbath - Sabotage
5. Ozzy -Diary of a Madman
4. Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath
3. Jason Becker - Perpetual Burn
2. Mercyful Fate - Melissa
1. King Diamond - Abigail *

1990-1992

10. Nocturnus - The Key
9. Burzum - Burzum
8. Michael Lee Firkins - Michael Lee Firkins
7. Death - Human
6. Blind Guardian - Somewhere Far Beyond
5. Megadeth - Rust in Peace
4. Paradise Lost - Gothic
3. Dream Theater - Images and Words
2. King Diamond - The Eye
1. Darkthrone - A Blaze in the Northern Sky

1993 - Its startin to heat up...

10. My Dying Bride - Turn Loose the Swans
9. Mystifier - Goetia
8. Type O Negative - Bloody Kisses
7. Burzum - Det Som En Gang Var
6. Darkthrone - Under a Funeral Moon
5. Dissection - The Somberlain
4. Satyricon - Dark Medieval Times
3. Immortal - Pure Holocaust
2. Mercyful Fate - In the Shadows
1. Katatonia - Dance of December Souls

1994 - Yikes this was hard!!!

10. Mayhem - De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas
9. Gorogorth - Pentagram
8. Amorphis - Tales from the Thousand Lakes
7. Bethlehem- Dark Metal
6. Emperor - In the Nightside Eclipse
5. Enslaved - Vikinglgr Veldi
4. Satyricon - The Shadowthrone
3. Ulver - Bergtatt
2. Darkthrone - Transilvanian Hunger *
1. Burzum - Hvis Lyset Tar Oss *

1995

10. Ulver - Kveldssanger
9. Beherit - Electric Doom Synthesis
8. Vlad Tepes - March to the Black Holocaust
7. Wongraven - Fjelltronen
6. Abigor - Nachthymnen
5. Opeth - Orchid
4. Moonspell - Wolfheart
3. Blut Aus Nord - Ultima Thulee
2. King Diamond - The Spider's Lullaby
1. Dissection - Storm of the Light's Bane *

1996 - easily the hardest year

10. King Diamond - The Graveyard
9. Sacramentum - Far Away from the Sun
8. Limbonic Art- Moon in the Scorpio
7. Dimmu Borgir - Stormblast
6. Branikald - Rdjandalir
5. Burzum - Filosofem
4. Opeth - Morningrise
3. Cradle of Filth - Dusk and Her Embrace
2. Nokturnal Mortum - Lunar Poetry *
1. Katatonia - Brave Murder Day *

1997

10. Limbonic Art - In Abhorrence Dementia
9 Summoning - Nightshade Forests
8. Windir - Soknaldalr
7. Arcturus - La Masquerade Infernale
6. Old Man's Child - The Pagan Prosperity
5. Profanum - Profanum Aeternum
4. October Tide - Rain Without End
3. Obtained Enslavement - Witchcraft
2. Nokturnal Mortum - Goat Horns
1. Symphony X - The Divine Wings of Tragedy

1998

10. Paysage d'Hiver - Die Festung
9. Rhapsody - Symphony of the Enchanted Lands
8. Symphony X - Twilight in Olympus
7. King Diamond - Voodoo
6. Katatonia- Discouraged Ones
5. Paysage d'Hiver - Schattengang
4. Obtained Enslavement - Soulblight
3. Paysage d'Hiver - Steineche
2. Opeth - My Arms Your Hearse
1. Bethlehem - S.U.I.Z.I.D. *

1999

10. Paysage d'Hiver - Kerker
9. Nokturnal Mortum - Nechrist
8. Sonata Arctica - Ecliptica
7. Opeth - Still Life
6. Agalloch - Pale Folklore
5. Immortal - At the Heart of Winter
4. Rapture - Futile
3. Summoning - Stronghold
2. Windir - Arntor
1. Paysage d'Hiver - Paysage d'Hiver *

2000-2001 - Time to start reaching again...

10. King Diamond - House of God
9. Cradle Of Filth - Midian
8. Symphony X - V
7. Weakling - Dead as Dreams
6. Windir - 1184
5. Abyssic Hate - Suicidal Emotions
4. Shape of Despair - Angels of Distress
3. Iron Maiden - Brave New World
2. Opeth - Blackwater Park
1. Sigh - Imaginary Sonicscapes *

2002

10. Immortal - Sons of Northern Darkness
9. Taake - Over Bjoergvin Grater Himmerik
8. Forgotten Tomb - Songs to Leave
7. Forest Silence - The Eternal Winter
6. Opeth - Deliverance
5. Agalloch - The Mantle
4. Symphony X - The Odyssey
3. Xasthur - Nocturnal Poisoning
2. Negura Bunger - N' Crugu'Bradului
1. Porcupine Tree - In Absentia

2003 - terrible year for metal

10. Leviathan - The Tenth Sub Level of Suicide
9. Darkthrone - Hate Them
8. Epheles - Le Dernier Pardon
7. Darkspace - I
6. King Diamond - The Puppet Master
5. Enslaved - Below the Lights
4. Sonata Arctica - Winterheart's Guild
3. Crimson Moonlight - Covenant Progress
2. Opeth - Damnation
1. Drudkh - Forgotten Legends *

2004

10. Wintersun - Wintersun
9. Spastic Ink - Ink Compatible
8. Enslaved - Isa
7. Haggard - Eppur Si Muove
6. Nyktalgia - Nyktalgia
5. Crotchduster - Big Fat Box of Shit
4. Xasthur - To Violate the Oblivious
3. Velvet Cacoon - Genevieve
2. Drudkh - Autumn Aurora
1. Ruins of Beverast - Unlock the Shrine

2005-2006 - the goodies start to dwindle

10. Enslaved - Ruun
9. Agalloch - Ashes Against the Grain
8. Forest Silence - Philosophy of Winter
7. Dark Funeral - Attera Totus Sanctus
6. Negura Bunget - Om
5. Peste Noire - La Sanie...
4. Make a Change Kill Yourself - Make a Change Kill Yourself
3. Opeth - Ghost Reveries
2. Porcupine Tree - Deadwing
1. Nokturnal Mortum - Weltanschauung

2007-2010

10. Velvet Cacoon - Atropine
9. Opeth - Watershed
8. Coldworld - Melancholie2
7. Nokturnal Mortum - The Voice of Steel
6. Porcupine Tree - Fear of a Blank Planet
5. Burzum - Belus
4. Austere - Withering Illusions and Desolation
3. Nae'blis - Sketches of Reality
2. Striborg - Nefaria
1. Walknut - Graveforests and their Shadows


So I guess I'm a 90's guy. These are sure to change the more I discover! Wonder how many I accidentally missed....

Crazy Spring

So life has been full of uncertainties as of late, but it seems as if it has finally calmed down. I left my last job as a map tech because the job I had been waiting for since August finally came through, and it is much closer to home. However, I interviewed for a full-time map tech on my last day of work (how ironic) and to make a long story short didn't get it, so now I don't have any diabolical decisions to make, for better or for worse.

I enjoy my new job even if it just another sweatshop. The work is interesting and the people are fun, the training was great, and my schedule is going to be wild (4 pm - 1230 am). No more waking up to an alarm! Other than that I can't really say much about it as it is secret hehe.

My march madness picks were decent but Kansas fell out too early for me to contend with anyone. Even so, I happy about getting 2 of the final four right. I'm pumped about the NBA playoffs and I always fill out my own bracket for that. My Suns need to be in 2nd or 3rd to avoid the Lakers till the conference finals, but unfortunately with that loss to OKC a few days ago, I think they will end up in 5th or maybe 4th... Hopefully if thats the case they will play Denver and not Utah, as they have NOOO chance against Utah. Predictions now: Phoenix 4 Denver 2; or Utah 4 Phoenix 2. Utah is criminally underrated and the Nuggets haven't had the consistency as of late unlike the Suns who have seemed to gel at the perfect time.

I will post my bracket to this blog when the seedings are set in stone and I encourage you to post yours in the comments!

On another note, apparently speaking my mind bluntly doesn't go over well with everyone, lol what a surprise, and perhaps I should do it more tastefully in the future. I just get very fed up with emotionally charged statuses with or without silly questions on facebook from people (friends? acquaintances? strangers?) that are obviously emotionally deranged and bewildered. Most people just tell white lies but I tell it how it is. I guess you can lose "facebook friends" that way. Boo Hoo.

I went to NYC to see Opeth on wedensday with Christine and my brother. Great stuff indeed! It was Christine's first time in NYC and she was less than pleased with the amount of people everywhere. Funny tale, we were standing in line at Subway to get our dinner before the show, and in comes an old lady in a powered wheelchair. Sounds good right? Well my brother was first in line and ordered, hooray, good for him. I should state now the line was about 15 people long. Anyway its my turn to order and the lady has crept all the way next to me and is driving into my leg repeatedly in an obvious attempt to get in front of me! It is now that I notice she has an "I Love Jesus" shirt on, in a deceitful ploy to get what she wants. Now, this is where I wonder if I am a good or bad citizen. I proceeded to order, ignoring the fool and subsequently did Christine, and then whoever was behind her let this line cutter go next. I'm sorry, but this lady needed to understand that she cannot do this on a regular basis! Wait in line like everybody else! You don't see people with mental disorders cutting the line! And if you are going to cut the line, do it in a more polite manner please. I'm sure the majority would have let her go but the situation infuriated me, and she reminded me of the gypsys we frequently met in italy on the streets. She was taking advantage of her state of being and it did not go over well with me. Perhaps I did not act politely and do the right thing, but I have made it more than obvious as to why I didn't. What would you do?

The Opeth show itself was wonderful. They played two sets, the first being the Blackwater Park album in its entirety and the second one song from each album chronologically. They performed a few songs they never have before, and of course some staples. Advent was a great surprise!

Setlist

Blackwater Park album

Forest of October
Advent
April Ethereal
The Moor
Wreath
Hope Leaves
Harlequin Forest
The Lotus Eater

First show I had been to in a long time!

Bone Fragments is still at work, trying to write for the next one. Many (excuse the pun) fragments have been written, but a bit of writers block has been a problem, and even though the album is about half done I may scrap it all as I want it to be even better than the next. We shall see.

I guess that's all. Pretty soon I can start going to the beach on the weekend as the weather is surprisingly warm :O)

Winter Life

I have been pretty busy the past few months. Still working at the same place in Maine and I am on a waiting list for the one in NH, but there is no indication of when I will start. The new album was released and the response has been pretty good overall... still have a lot of copies left though. One forum has a few people that hate us and our music, and make constant jokes like comparing us to ICP, but I understand the concept definitely won't appeal to everyone, and some people can't get by that to give the music the proper chance. I was just surprised at how vicious they were. And how about some actual constructive criticism...? Others like or love it, and I am personally happy at how the album came out considering the circumstances. I'd say I am 90% satisfied with it. Sometimes I feel like its all a waste of time but then I need to figure out why I'm doing it in the first place. Its pretty weird because I feel like an outcast within the outcasts. What I am doing within the subgenre is not normal so its been very difficult finding an audience... its just a few people here and there that are into it. I would say its pretty lonely though. Music is my main hobby but it in a sense hides in the dark because I don't play live and the music is not accessible to the average listener. I just have to remember I made it first and foremost for myself. I just enjoy it a lot and I want to derive satisfaction out of knowing others do as well... maybe that's selfish? I have a great desire to share what I have created with others and feel stinted because I feel like its so difficult getting people to listen to it in the first place because it isn't normal. As a musician I wouldn't have this problem if I were a singer-songwriter so even within musicians I guess not all would really understand what I am getting at. I am so thankful for those that do give it a chance and I can only hope they are enjoying it. I probably am just investing too much of my emotional energy in the wrong places.

There have been a lot of events lately, lots of parties and get-togethers which have been fun, but I am really worn out today. I got sick last night so I guess today is recovery day. I was sick for a while a few weeks ago and missed 3 days of work because of some stomach infection which was terrible financially but at least it didn't last longer. There hasn't been much snow this winter which I guess is fine because my car isn't so good in it.

I have been watching a lot of basketball and of course the nfl playoffs. My suns aren't doing so well, but I'm not that surprised. My fantasy team is pretty average in our league, but Gerald Wallace has been playing ridiculously well lately which has helped. Not so sure about Chris Paul as my first pick, and honestly Rondo who I also have has probably had a better season.

I saw a black metal documentary in Portland on thursday night which was pretty interesting, at least especially the sections with Varg and Fenriz. I feel like it could have been better but I am glad I saw it, especially since its not on dvd. I saw it at SPACE, some art place in downtown Portland. Parking was awful there and I didn't know my way around at all with all the one way streets, not to mention I've never been to Portland in my life, but it all worked out. I left Portland at 930 and had to commute all the way back to NH, go to bed, wake up and drive all the back north of Portland to work on friday... yikes.... certainly won't be doing that very often.

I am glad today is the last day of January. Its one of my least favorite months for a lot of reasons... ick I'm watching tv and the freecreditreport.com commercial with the guy playing the guitar singing is sooo obnoxious. The stereotypical guy like him upsets me because of how loved he is. Perhaps I overestimate the appeal... blergh.

Well once again I guess this has been kind of a melodramatic blog post so I'll end it with something that can only be taken objectively, some random useless lists.

NBA teams I love:

Phoenix

NBA teams I like:

Milwaukee, Atlanta, Houston, Denver

NBA teams I don't particularly like:

Boston, Dallas

NBA teams I hate:

San Antonio, LA Lakers